Tonight I played the game.
I’ve been sleeping here for a few months now.
Only Zucchi knows and he turns a blind eye.
They were waiting for me at the gate, I had to make a good impression.
Dance, dance, I don’t care about dancing.
I’ve danced a lot in my life.
Even if I’m alone, you keep me company.
I don’t have a penny to give to the organ grinder
It’s not my fault they threw me out.
I couldn’t take it anymore at home.
Since Dina died, I’ve been dead too
Not really dead,
because I’m still here talking to you
but I have a constant hammer in my head
and the only thing that silences it
is wine, which I keep drinking. Drinking… drinking
Until that hammer stops
and I find a little silence in my head
It’s only for a few moments
maybe a minute, an hour
but at least there’s no more constant pounding.
I’m obsessed, I’m afraid,
they mock me, threaten me, terrify me
the buzzing, the voices, the laughter, the black animals with hooked paws,
the tapping of the badger and the shovelling in the dark.
After a few drinks, everything falls silent
and I slip, drunk, into a white sleep
White. A white that dazzles me
and removes cracks and stretch marks and the noise of the wasp nest.
If only I could sleep forever.
Pass alone through the eye of the needle,
and as I pass through on angel’s wings
find myself lying on a haystack.